My name is Allison. And 3 days before my 14th birthday, my best friend, Laura, died.
*
That’s how I used to introduce myself. My loss seemed like the most relevant piece of information about me. I sure scared off a lot of potential friends that way – and got a massive “vulnerability hangover.” I couldn’t be with people who didn’t know, and yet, when I told them, I felt more disconnected than ever, because, for the most part, they had no idea how to deal with my pain. Especially after it had “gone on for long enough” and exceeded the socially acceptable timeline for grief healing.
*
What was that, anyway? A couple of weeks, since I was “only” a friend. It’s not like I lost my child. Or my spouse. Or my beloved pet. My loss wasn’t “real” enough to *deserve* a decade-plus long grieving period.
*
When I finally stopped crying (about 9 years later), I got numb.
*
And for years, I stayed that way, thinking I was finally “better.”
*
But I wasn’t.
*
I wasn’t feeling. I wasn’t whole. I was critical, overly logical, closed off, and disconnected.
*
Even though I got married, and became a mom, and made friends using superficial-level social skills, I felt completely alone.
*
Because I had never truly healed my grief. I had just boxed it up.
*
It was inconvenient. It was messy. And I believed that I would NEVER get over it.
*
That I *shouldn’t* get over it. That I shouldn’t WANT to get over it.
*
Because who was I, without grief?
*
Grief made me special. It gave me the status of “best friend who loved her so damn much she’s still not over it.”
*
And it wasn’t until I started healing other things in my life – money blocks, boundaries, energy, my chakras – and using personal development tools, that I began to see that story for what it was: an anchor that was holding me down.
*
And I began to let go of it, almost by accident.
*
I’m not done. But I realize that grief isn’t something “wrong” with me that has permanently damaged me – it’s a side effect of being human, and for living in this world.
*
I’m Allison Lounes, and I help grieving women learn basic gentle healing techniques to soothe and process their loss at their own pace, without timelines or judgement. I coach women to find, learn, and use tools that feel good to them, and to create rituals that honor grief and emotions while they learn to live with pain and loss.
powered by Typeform